Friday, April 29

This is Life . .

ukee , today's topic is about 'when i'm want to get better when i'm speak in english .' know wat ? my clasmte said to me , 'heyy , kite an uwg melayuu , jd ta payah lha na ngengade kp base omputih' , i look at her and just smiling . my heart sayy ' huhh ! kp jeles kan sng ! ' hahaa , rude rite ? they should know , english will bring us waaay to far . english are  basic language kann ? <english q ponss tgang tbalek sbnanyee> at least i try . ngee~ ma mama also sayy , 'bile uwg pndai bi , sng sket pat kje.' hahaa~ so, ma mama just mke me feel strongly wanna speak in english . but , my weakness , grammar ! syy :] . i've friends that really quite good in english . for sure , she truly better than me ! conversly , i'm jelouss . all good thing on her . she beutiful , stanning pesonalities , white , beuty , smart , beuty , lovely , beuty , beuty ,, arghh , i just repeat the 'beuty' words so much . she is often able attension from others , whereas i had unly one eye is seen by others . i feel sadly sometimes , feeling marginalized . but , indeed should she be treated well by everyone , because she is fine . sometimes , i also feel sad about her attitude , idon'tknowwhattosayaboutthis , all that i can say it just she treat all the boys ! when i still couple with my ex boyfiee , he always talk about 'she' . i feel disturbed . so , i mke a disicion to break up with him =.=' . <sorry if you feel> let bygone be bygone lhaa . don want to0 repost , haha . so , this is life , sometimes we feel challenged . but , life must go on ! belive me , we will get better ! <3

Sunday, April 10

The Last Time

"You started to change before you died. I don't know what else to say than to express our convo in my blog.

10th of May 2010

I just got home from school and I received two text messages from you. I ignored them and went bathing. After taking my bath, I watched tv for awhile and I realized that I haven't replied your messages so I quickly went to my room to take my cell. I received another 2 messages from you so equally, I received 4 messages from you.

You : B?
You : B? Mana b?
You : Reply la :(
You : B? Mana b? Knapa lambat sangat balik?

I was seriously waaay too scared if he might be scolding me for not replying his messages for quite awhile. So I quickly messaged him, to not make him worry about me.

Me : Sayang? Sorry tak reply td. I balik sekolah terus mandi td. Then I tgk tv terlupa msg you. Sorry? You marah ke?
You : Oh okay okay. Tak, I tak marah. Tp jangan buat I risau k bie?
Me : Okay okay, sayang. I'm sorry.
You : Tkpe, mwa mwa hehe. B dekat mana ni?
Me : Dekat rumah. Lepasni nak pergi makan dgn mak. You?
You : Ala, nak makan dekat mana? Jumpa lah I b :( I dkt cabin. Bosan.
You : Makan dgn I k bie?
Me : I want to but mak suruh teman dia lah syg.
You : Okay okay, I main badminton dgn budak budak lah.
Me : Okay, take care busuk.
You : Mana ada busuk. B ah buchuk macham. Kalau balik awal, dtg rumah I :(
Me : Eh sejak bila jd rempit? Okay, tgk lah dulu.
You : Takda tgk tgk, kena jugak.
Me : Ye yeeee.
You : Alaaaaa.
Me : Huh?
You : B marah :(
Me : Eh tkda ah, karut je.
You : Hm okay.
Me : Aiyk?
You : Dtg!
Me : InsyaAllah, kalau sempat. Kalau tak, jumpa malam k syg?
You : Okay b. B, I nak main badminton jap?
Me : Okay okay, bye. Love you. Take care, dear. See you.
You : Okay, love you so much. Take care too. Miss you love you. See you too, b. Jmpa I jugak harini, tak kira :(
Me : Okay syg, don't want that sad face.
You : Okay Okay :D Dah
Me : Main happy lagi, k bye muah.
You : Mwa, love you.

But then, I didn't manage to come and meet him in the evening. So I did meet him at night (The last night we spent our time together). So my mum sent me to his condo at 8 something. But he wasn't there then I messaged him.

Me : Mana you? I kt cabin dah.
You : Jap. I tgh siap nak turun b.

After a few minutes, my friends came and sit in a table with me. And we talked and laughed waay too much. And after a few minutes later then, he came but yeah, I know he wouldn't come to me first. So he went to cafe to buy cigarettes if I'm not mistaken. After that, you came to me and sit beside me. Then my friends seemed curious when they looked at arwah.

Alyn : Man, asal muka kau lain do?
Bay : Aah doh!
You : Mana ada lain lah. You, muka I lain ke?
Me : Ntah, mcm sama je kot haha. Lain ke dia, Eryn?
Eryn : Aku rasa sama je.

Fine then. When we got bored, we went to the badminton court to play badminton. And yeahs, I was the one who took the racquet and you asked me to put it back because you wanna spend your time with me at that night.

You : B, takyah lah main. Dduk sini dgn I.
Me : Ala kjap je lah.
You : Mhm, okay.

When I was playing the badminton, you can't stop staring at me while smiling. Everytime I looked at you, you were staring at me and smiling. And after a few minutes, I sat beside you and hold your right hand.

Me : You, knapa you lain harini?
You : Mana ada I lain lah b. I sama je.
Me : Okay okay.

Then after 10 minutes kot, Nisha asked me to accompany her to the lobby. And I said okay. But you refused to let me go. Then I told you that it takes only 5 minutes. Then you said k. When I came back to the court, you were playing the badminton with Icantrecallwho. When I entered the court, as most of the people know that the door sounds annoying and when I opened it, everyone will look at me and you shouted 'B!'. And I said 'Oh hai' with a very weird face. I was just making an annoying face like that hehe.

And at 10.30pm, he took me to in front of the court.

You : *Holding my face. B, pandang I.
Me : *Staring in his eyes.
You : Ingat ni smpai bila bila. I sayang you sgt sgt. Ingat ni! Sayang sgt sgt.
Me : I pun sayang you sgt sgt *Small laughs.
You : I sayang b sgt sgt. Jgn tinggalkan I?
Me : Knpa you ckp mcmtu syg?
You : Oh tak, just jangan tinggalkan I. K?
Me : Ye lah, I dah promise kan dulu? Knpa you lain ni?
You : Mana ada I lain lah syg. I sama je.

After a few minutes then, my mom called and asked me to go home. Then,

Me : You!
You : Haaaaa
Me : Nak I balik pukul brapa?
You : Ala tak boleh balik, kena dduk dengan I.
Me : Betul betul boleh tak?
You : Betul lah. Ala jangan lah balik :(
Me : Mengada eehhh. *On the phone, Ma, ambik lagi 10 minutes lah.
Mak : Okayy.

After 10 minutes later, mum messaged telling that she has already at the guard house. Then I told arwah, he quickly take my both hands and say

You : B, ingat apa I pesan dkt you td smpai bila bila tau.
Me : Okay okay, I promise lah you. Pinky swear? Hahaha.
You : Hehe pinky swear. *Kiss
Me : Babaii.
You : Babai, I love you so much. Take care.
Me : Love you too, and you too.
You : K bie.

Then I ran to mum's car and suddenly you shouted 'YAYA, I LOVE YOU!'. Then I shouted back 'I LOVE YOU TOO MUAH MUAH'. That was the last time I heard your voice, till now I'm still wanting and needing to hear your voice again, and all over again. But I know I can't. I hope you're in peace and surely, in a better and the best place.

When I was in my car, I could see the badminton court and you were there, flying kisses to me. That's so sweet of you. And that was the last time I saw your face, your smile, and your everything. When I reached home, you messaged me.

You : B?
Me : Eh hi. Cepatnya.
You : I rindu b.
Me : Alolo rindu you jugak sayang.
You : Tgh buat apa?
Me : Tkda buat apa apa. You?
You : Sama lah, lapar.
Me : Pergi lah makan.
You : Nak pergi makan dengan Alfiq jap boleh?
Me : Oh okay, pergi lah. Take care.
You : K, jap. Nak siap.

*I didn't reply. Then,

You : B?
Me : Yes?
You : Nape tak reply?
Me : Lah, ckp nak siap.
You : Okay okay, I dah nak pergi makan tau.
Me : Okay. Take care k.
You : Okay. B, nak drive jap. Japg I msg balik.
Me : Alright, elok elok.

After a few minutes,

You : B?
Me : Yo.
You : B jgn tinggalkan I?
Me : Sayang, knpa dgn you ni?
You : Tak, I takut b tinggalkan I.
Me : Mana ada lah :'(
You : Alolo sorry sorry, dah dah.
Me : Jgn ckp mcmtu lg k?
You : Okay okay, b I nak b ingat ni smpai bila bila. I sayang b sgt sgt. Ingat ni!
Me : Okay sayang, I pun sayang you. Lg lebih!

Then you didn't reply my message. I was kinda curious, but I don't know why that night I didn't feel like calling you. I did asked my sister, where are you, why don't you reply my text and so on. My sister asked me to call you but I just don't know why I didn't make the things that I used to do, which is trying to reach you and message you till you replied mine. I didn't want to bother you lepak with your friends, maybe.

So I fall asleep while waiting for you. I managed to sleep only for a few minutes. Then, Nisa called me. I didn't hear her calls at first. But then, my sister woke me up telling that there's someone calling me. I answered her call and I was waaay 'mamai' that time.

Me : Hello?
Nisa : Ya? Yaya okay tak?
Me : Okay je, kenapa?
Nisa : Ya, Aiman dah takda Ya.
Me : Huh?
Nisa : Ya, Aiman dah takda Ya. Wake up, Ya. Wake up!
Me : Jangan mengarut lah Nisa. *I end the call.

Right after I end up Nisa's call. Amar (Eryn's boyfriend) called me,

Amar : Hello Ya.
Me : Ha, ada apa?
Amar : Wei, aku dkt gate kecik Emerald ni.
Me : Ha, asal?
Amar : Wei Ya, Aiman kau dah takda au. Dia accident.
Me : Weii, betul betul lah.
Amar : Betul lah. Kau nak datang tak? Aku amik kau.
Me : Aaa, takpa ah. Bye *End

Then I quickly told both my parents that Aiman has already became arwah. My dad asked me to go take my wudhuk and pray all the best for arwah. So I quickly go and give Yassin to arwah. I repeat the surah, loads of times non-stop. There were loads of friends calling and messaging me but I managed to answer only some of them because I didn't know what to say. My mind was blank and all I thought that moment was, only ARWAH.

And the saddest phone call I received on that morning was from Hazmie. He cried when he was on the phone with me. We didn't get to say anything than crying out loud. I couldn't stop crying and Hazmie told me to be strong. I didn't say anything, I couldn't stop crying. Oh god, I can't believe I'm crying right now. Hazmie, thanks so much for the supports k. Sayang kau!

After half an hour later, my dad asked me to go to the hospital with him. My mum dad and my sister followed to the hospital. When we've arrived there, the first person I saw, was Kak Aisyah (Aiman's eldest sister). She came to me and hugged me waaay too tight! And both of us couldn't stop crying. After that, I hugged Aiman's mom. She was crying too but I can't believe that she was waay too strong accepting the fact that her son was not here anymore.

I met some of my friends there, all I can say is I couldn't stop crying. My eyes looked like asdfghjkl I don't know what to say. At the hospital, I didn't stop giving Aiman non-stop Yassin. Then, after half an hour later, someone shouted 'Amirul?'. Everyone stood up and quickly go to the 'forensik''s room.

And the only 'thing' we saw was, Allahyarham Amirul Aiman's body, right in front of our eyes. I cried out loud. And it was the last time I hold his face. He was so cold. And he looked different. There was a scar on his head. It was because the BANG he had in the accident. I don't know how to say this, my mind was so blank that time and I don't believe that I cried waay too bad that time."

p/s : Just copy this from lovely person .
the first story telling that make me waaayyy to cry :'[

Saturday, April 9

trying to pickup some nonsense story about love

oukeyh ! Like everyone know all about love . yes , love is love , as you knoe know , 

love knows no young o old ,
love knows no ugly o pretty ,
love knows no rich o poor ,
love knows no to where we stay ,
so people often call love is blind .

half of people doesn't believe in true love like me exactly  ,  because i thnnk think thats nonsense ! true love just testing us how to manage the situation when you truly in  love ( for me if you ask ) . feeling scare , happy . . like Shah Rukh Khan  says : love can make us turn to merah Red :] 
and sometimes love make us forget all the misfortunes , because we just thinking of one , the people who make us so mad crazy ! others , people always think that love just buang wasting our time . not really , because my mama says : without love , we are not supposed to be like what we like . 
at first , i dont understand what my mama trying to cakap says , but when i thinking for a long time [three month i think :p] , yess ! i got it ! what my mama trying to say is , if we do not like what we would like , so we can't be like what we like ! 
understand urself ! :p